Narrative therapy: working with the stories you tell about yourself

Narrative therapy explores how you make sense of your life and the place a problem occupies in that account. Over time, “I'm a failure” can obscure other things about you: relationships in which you cared for someone, skills you learned and decisions you made in difficult circumstances. Sessions aim to make that single conclusion less defining without denying pain or real difficulties.

This is not a writing class or a requirement to invent a happy biography. You do not have to speak eloquently, keep a diary or find the “right meaning” beforehand. You can start with a specific event you would like to understand.

What does separating a person from a problem mean?

Externalising means discussing a difficulty as something that influences life rather than a complete definition of someone's identity. Instead of “I'm lazy”, for example, you might explore when postponing tasks becomes stronger, what it makes you miss and when it has less influence. The problem remains real, while the person retains the ability to choose actions.

You do not have to name a problem, draw it or talk to it as if it were a creature. If those metaphors irritate you, you can discuss a habit, pressure or situation directly. The therapist checks whether their wording fits and allows for your understanding to differ from theirs.

This language does not remove responsibility. If someone shouted at a child, “My anger did it” does not replace stopping dangerous behaviour, acknowledging harm and working to prevent it happening again. Where there is abuse, renaming the problem is not enough; those affected need safety and appropriate professional support.

What the work might look like: an unsuccessful interview

Someone is turned down after a job interview and says: “Nothing ever works out for me.” In a session, they can explore which events support that conclusion, whose voice they hear in it and how it affects their next step. Perhaps they have stopped applying for jobs and are avoiding friends so they will not have to discuss the outcome.

They then explore episodes that do not fit a single story of failure. For example, they still asked for feedback, helped a colleague prepare for an interview or continued caring for someone close during a difficult week. This does not prove that rejection was “actually good”. These events reveal other aspects of life that a conclusion of total incompetence overlooks.

The person's own meaning matters. Helping a colleague might express reciprocity for them, learning might reflect curiosity, and asking for support might show a wish not to face things alone. The therapist does not have to call everything a “strength” or insist that a compliment is accepted.

Next, they discuss a small, realistic step: showing a CV to a friend, renewing one contact or clarifying a vacancy's requirements. The job market, money, health and workload also matter. A new description of yourself does not create jobs or remove discrimination.

What is an alternative story?

Re-authoring means exploring events, values and relationships that were obscured by a problem-focused account in greater detail. An alternative story draws on things that actually happened and matter to the person. It need not be entirely positive: you can acknowledge a mistake, regret its consequences and see a possibility of acting differently.

For example, instead of “I always ruin everything”, a more precise account might be: “I interrupted my partner in that conversation and want to apologise; I can also listen, and I can remember what helps me do that.” This leaves room for both responsibility and change. It does not require forgetting the past or agreeing with the therapist's version.

Sessions and additional practices

At the start, you discuss your concern, current difficulties, necessary safety arrangements and desired changes. Conversations may concern relationships, loss, self-esteem or a life transition. You agree on the direction of questions; giving your entire biography at the first meeting is not compulsory.

Sometimes the work includes letters, brief written summaries or an invited listener. That person may respond to what they hear, but should not judge your life or adjudicate a dispute. These formats are optional: you first need to understand their purpose and separately agree to other people's involvement.

Who will attend, and what information will they receive?
Can I read a letter before it is shared and change the wording?
Where are records stored, and who can access them?
Is audio or video recording proposed, and can we work without it?
What happens if I decline to invite someone close to me or want to stop an exercise?

Consenting to therapy does not mean consenting to publication of your story, teaching discussions containing recognisable details or disclosure to relatives. If keeping a letter at home would be unsafe, discuss that too. The practice should not create an additional risk.

What limitations matter?

Respect for your experience does not mean abandoning clinical assessment. Persistent depression, severe anxiety, substantial sleep problems or difficulty managing daily life call for discussion of appropriate care. Do not stop medication independently, and do not explain physical symptoms solely as a “story about illness”.

In Lopes and colleagues' 2014 study, depressive symptoms improved with both narrative therapy and CBT. One scale favoured CBT; another showed no difference between groups. These findings cannot establish that the methods are equivalent for everyone.

Ask not only whether research exists, but which problem, programme and outcome it concerns. An interesting case description, a client testimonial and a comparative study provide different kinds of information. A promise to heal any condition simply by changing its story is a reason to seek an independent opinion.

Is narrative therapy the same as narrative exposure therapy?

No. Narrative exposure therapy, or NET, is a distinct treatment addressing traumatic memories in PTSD. NICE includes it among trauma-focused CBT options for adults. Sharing the word “narrative” does not allow evidence for NET to be transferred to every kind of work with life stories.

If you are seeking help specifically after trauma, clarify which approach is being offered and the practitioner's training. You do not need to retell distressing events in detail on your own to test whether the method suits you or to prove readiness for help.

Choosing a practitioner and noticing change

Ask about core qualifications, training in narrative practice, supervision and experience with your concern. Discuss fees, frequency, confidentiality and how to end the work. A respectful conversation includes a therapist being able to explain their questions, hear disagreement and change direction.

Choose progress markers together, such as isolating yourself less after setbacks, expressing needs more clearly or returning to valued activities. A compelling account without changes in everyday life does not necessarily mean progress. If conversations increase shame or your condition worsens, discuss it; the plan may need to change or another form of care may be appropriate.

If there is immediate danger to life, seek local emergency help rather than waiting for the next conversation. Support options are on the Urgent help page.

Sources

This article is for information and does not replace individual consultation, diagnosis or treatment.