Cyberbullying: how to recognise it and support a child

A child facing online bullying needs protection and an adult who takes it seriously. Messages in a gaming chat, humiliating posts and the spread of personal information can affect sleep, school and offline relationships. “Just don't read it” does not stop the content spreading or address safety.

The first conversation is not about finding the child's mistake. Find out whether there is danger now, who can help and which actions will reduce harm. Even if a child replied rudely or previously broke a phone-use agreement, that does not justify bullying.

If there is immediate danger

Contact local emergency services for an immediate threat of attack, serious injury, poisoning, suicidal intent or an inability to maintain safety. Move somewhere safe if possible. If there is a risk of suicide, stay with the child until help arrives if it is safe to do so; do not delay help to collect evidence.

If a child says they do not want to live, ask directly about thoughts of suicide and any actions already taken. A calm question does not create these thoughts. Support and professional assessment are needed even when there is no specific plan. Do not promise to keep danger secret. See the urgent help page for contacts.

What counts as cyberbullying?

This is bullying through digital channels: insults, rumours, impersonation, humiliating images or deliberate exclusion. Repetition or likely repetition, and an imbalance in the ability to defend oneself, matter: for example, one child facing a large group. A single post can cause repeated harm as it is shared and commented on again.

An ordinary disagreement is not always bullying, but getting help does not require proving which label is correct. A threat of violence, blackmail or exposure of a home address needs attention even on the first occasion. Online bullying sometimes continues at school; blocking one account then solves only part of the problem.

For example, a humiliating meme about a child circulates in the class chat. The child leaves, but others show the image during breaks and send it from new numbers. “Block them and forget it” leaves the child to face this alone. Reports about the posts, action by school staff and support in everyday life are all needed.

Noticing changes and starting a conversation

Notice sharp changes after notifications, fear of school, withdrawal from others, disturbed sleep or constant phone checking. A child might avoid the device or monitor it continuously. No single sign proves bullying: ask what is happening without conducting an interrogation.

You might begin: “You seem upset after those messages. Is someone hurting or frightening you?” Thank them for telling you and say you will help. Ask what they fear about adults getting involved: retaliation, publicity, punishment or losing friends. Their view matters in planning, while responsibility for protection remains with adults.

Do not demand an immediate account of every incident or access to everything on the phone. Separate essential questions from details that can wait. If talking to a parent is unsafe or difficult, the child needs another trusted adult: a relative, educator, doctor or support professional.

First actions: protection, records and reporting

Check current safety: do those responsible know the address, threaten an encounter, or pressure the child to send something or pay? In immediate danger, seek emergency help first.
For ordinary abusive messages, keep dates, account names, links and screenshots where safe. Do not build an endless archive or make the child reread everything alone. Intimate material needs the separate approach below.
Report the specific content and account through the platform's official process, then limit contact through blocking, muted notifications and message settings. If collecting information increases danger, block immediately.
Check who can see the profile, location and posts. If an account appears compromised, recover access through the service's official tools, change the compromised password and enable extra login protection. Do not give codes to “helpers” in private messages.
Keep the report reference and agree which adult will check for a response. If harm continues, use available appeals and other appropriate services; submitting one report does not guarantee removal.

Do not respond with threats or post an exposé naming children and reproducing the bullying. This can widen its audience and escalate conflict. Do not promise that every item can be permanently removed from the internet.

Blackmail involving intimate images

If someone demands money or further intimate material under threat of publication, stop contact and do not pay. Having already sent an image or payment does not remove a child's right to help. Contact local child protection services or law enforcement promptly; use emergency services for immediate danger.

Do not download, screenshot or forward intimate images of a minor “as evidence”. Record links, accounts, times and the nature of threats. Do not ask the child to show the image; seek guidance from the appropriate service on handling existing material and the device.

NCMEC's Take It Down can help when an intimate image taken before age 18 is already on the person's device. The image stays there. It works with participating platforms, not the whole internet. Never download or request a copy to use it.

Involving the school

If classmates are involved or school safety is affected, write to the responsible educator or school leadership. Describe the facts and the child's needs, providing appropriate information without circulating intimate material. Ask who will take responsibility, what protection will be in place over the coming days and when you will next hear from them.

Concrete questions help: whom can the child approach during a break, how will retaliation after reporting be prevented, and who will check whether the bullying has stopped? A public classroom discussion, forced reconciliation or a demand to shake hands may increase vulnerability. Those involved should first be heard separately, rather than treating bullying as a dispute between equally powerful parties.

If there is no response or danger continues, escalate through the available procedure and relevant local services. School powers and reporting requirements vary by country. Do not wait for a school response to an immediate threat to life.

Support after the first actions

Removing a post does not mean fear immediately disappears. Support sleep, eating, usual activities and contact with safe friends. An agreed break from a particular platform may help, but removing all communication as punishment for disclosure can deepen isolation. Plan how the child can safely stay in touch and receive school information.

Return to the conversation without demanding daily proof that everything is fine. For example, agree to check the school's response tomorrow and choose someone together whom the child can approach during the day. The child should not become the sole person watching for every new post.

If fear, low mood, sleeplessness, avoiding food or school persist, contact a doctor or child mental health professional. Any self-harm needs assessment without waiting for repeated episodes. Ask about experience with bullying, parental involvement and confidentiality. Psychological support helps recovery but cannot replace stopping threats and action by adults.

If a child witnessed or joined in

Explain how a witness can avoid amplifying bullying: do not forward it or endorse humiliating comments, tell a trusted adult and offer private support to the person targeted. Do not demand a dangerous public confrontation. Seeking protection is not betraying friends.

If your child participated, stop the harm and establish the facts without public humiliation. They need accountability for specific actions and a plan to prevent repetition. Do not make the targeted child accept an apology or resume contact. Supporting the child who participated and protecting the person harmed need to happen together.

What to read next

Staying connected with a teenager · Help with self-harm · Therapy groups for teenagers

Sources

This article provides information and does not replace individual consultation, diagnosis or treatment.